October 10, 2008
UTNE READER

Best Little Sleeping Porch in Texas

What Granddad taught me about creative loafing

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For many Texans, a screened sleeping porch is an essential part of small town and rural home life. All that's really necessary to hasten a quick porch nap is the numbing rasp of the cicada bugs and the rhythmic panting of a yard dog sprawled out under the front steps. Call it rural Prozac.

Growing up, I spent a lot of time with my maternal grandparents in the town of George West, Texas. My grandfather was a diehard porch napper. During the hottest days of the summer, long after the whole house had been air-conditioned to near-Minnesota extremes, you could always find him after lunch stretched out on the little twin bed on the screen porch. I'd stare out at him from inside the house and shake my head in dismay. Who in their right mind would prefer 'natural' Texas heat over the cool blasts from a window unit the size of a washing machine? When I'd ask my grandmother why he didn't just stay inside, she'd shrug nonchalantly and smile, 'I 'spect he just likes it that way.'

One day after lunch, I decided to study Granddad during his siesta. At first, he lay there motionless; then after a time he picked up the front page of the San Antonio Express off the floor. Gazing at the paper for a moment or two, he quickly tossed it aside -- nothing of interest. He lay there a bit longer, then suddenly jumped with a start and scooted over to the far side of the porch to assess the sky. After some deep scrutiny, he returned to bed, exhaling sharply.

A minute or two later, he went to the screen door and spit. Back to bed. Several minutes later he looked up to see what the fat grackle on the lawn was complaining about. Back to bed. Soon after that he reached into his khakis, pulled out his pocketknife, and began trying to dislodge a thorn in his toe. Job done, back to bed. And on and on it went for the next half hour or so.

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